Up, Up, and To A Higher Tax Bracket!
My mind wanders from time to time, but a question popped into my head today and deserved an answer: Is it really in Superman's best interest to be a newpaper reporter? Maybe writing for a big-city metropolis paper was his lifetime goal, but isn't it everyone's duty to find an occupation most suited to one's individual talents? And it's in everyone's best interests that Superman has a well-paying job so he isn't corrupted by financial contributions from Lex Luthor and the like. For all those who say that Superman's morals are too high to be corrupted, let's be serious here. If he's stuck in a shabby studio apartment eating Ramen noodles and cold coffee, Superman will be eyeing that blank check from LexCorp.
For my experiment, I'm using Yahoo's HotJobs to calculate salaries, assuming Metropolis has a roughly equivalent economy to Chicago. With this, I'll keep in mind time required (Metropolis may have an endless supply of telephone booths, but it won't matter if you're stuck behind a desk), personal satisfaction, and fringe benefits. According to HotJobs, starting reporters in the Chicago area make roughly $30,000, progressing to almost 50,000 after a few years of service. Couple this with the many hours at a word processor and demanding deadlines, and I don't think ol' Kal-El will have much time tracking down rogue missles or foiling bank heists.
Let's play career counselor for the comics. What else could he do?
- Welder - base salary of ~$35,000 to 55,000.
Sure, the money's closer, but just think about how much happier he could be working with his hands (eyes?). And what about the efficiency of working near tall buildings? I'm sure half his day is spent saving careless construction workers anyway. Plus there's the added bonus of owning your own business to schedule appointments around global catastrophes. Or there's always the more artistic side of metal sculpture and design. I bet "Man Of Steel" would look awesome on the side of a van. - Home/Building Inspector - $50,000 to 75,000
Better pay, better cover. Really, who would expect a home inspector to be a superhero? And you gotta use that X-ray vision for something more than giving kids leukemia. - Nuclear Engineer - $65,000 to 125,000
As long as they're not mining glowing green rocks for heavy metals, he's golden. May have a bit less downtime than the previous jobs, but there's very little risk involved when you can be shot in the eye with a bullet and walk away unscathed. Really, what's the deal with that anyway? Who shoots a guy in the freakin' eye? Actually, Superman seems a little dim to me. Not sure I'd want him manning the core. - Professional Football Player - $260,000 minimum salary to millions
Maybe the big guy's best shot so far. Plenty of money for wing expansions on the Fortress of Solitude; only have to work a few months out of the year. Plus, most of the time you're wearing a helmet so no one can really get a good look at you. Perfect for the secret identity.
3 comments:
Hmm, good points. He could also run a maid service in Metropolis. As long as he only worked in houses where nobody was home, it would take him 2 seconds to clean the apartment, leaving him plenty of time to rack up the fees AND save fluffy kittens from trees.
The whole sports vs. unfair abilities and propensity to injure others has been dealt with on the CW's "popular" hit "Smallville." (Seriously, that show got boring.) I vote for Home Inspector. For no particular reason but that it sounds like fun.
It seems like a mature Superman would be able to hold in his extreme violence, as if, say, I were playing four-sqaure with a group of first graders. But home inspector is a fine choice.
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